What I've Learned So Far...

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Who wants to be around a smartie-phone?

Brenna & Mike What I've Learned So Far...

Who wants to be around a smartie-phone?

I just upgraded my mobile phone.

First off, I'd like to say that I didn't really want to. I was really happy with my old phone; his name was "Phone." I could use Phone to make calls. I could use him to receive calls. He even had a cool digital clock.

Phone also had a bunch of ultra-modern features. He had a directory of all my friends built in so that whenever I could figure out how to get to the directory, Phone would go ahead and dial people for me. The people that Phone called were usually not the people I had intended to talk to, but over the years I found that I kind of enjoyed that element of surprise.

Phone had built into his back a pretty good camera, which I used from time to time to take pictures of the change in my pocket. Or my thumb. And he had a microscopic keyboard, so that whenever someone sent me a text message like this:

"Hey! How are you?"

... I could just snap open that little keyboard and use my thumbs to nimbly type out a reply:

"lgi uh dfov, to the lajniak! ;-}"

Treat yourself to your own personal copy of What I've Learned So Far... Part I: Bikes, Docks & Slush Nuggets and get a 15% Online discount! Just enter the code: Y8NYMDN4 when you order your copy.

If you enjoy What I've Learned So Far... and would like to see it in your local paper, just send the editor an impassioned plea and this link to my Web site.

Also, chase all your friends on over to my Web site to Subscribe (it's FREE!), so they can enjoy it too! They'll thank you, and so will I.

- mike

Mike Ball

Author of What I've Learned So Far...
Winner of the 2003 Erma Bombeck Award

Web: whativelearnedsofar.com
E-mail: mike@whativelearnedsofar.com

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It's Father's Day Again!

Brenna & Mike What I've Learned So Far...

It's Father's Day Again!

When my son was in about second grade, he made me a bookmark that features a sort of ransom note version of the words "Happy Fathers Day." The paper is bright orange (his favorite color at the time), and his teacher laminated the finished product in clear plastic to protect it from the beer and coffee stains we fathers can be counted on to get all over our things.

My son, who is now twenty-nine years old and has been out of second grade for a while, might be suprised to learn that I still have that bookmark - although, at the moment it is stuck in one of the stack of books I'm working my way through, and I haven't seen it in a couple of weeks.

There are a few things I have been called in my life that I really enjoy. "Honey" is fun when you get it from a super friendly (and usually equally voluminous) waitress in a Waffle House, and even better from the woman you've been married to for nearly 35 years. "Mate" is nice when spoken by either my friend from Australia or my friend from Cornwall, England. "Coach" is great to be called by a bunch of sincere and smelly little hockey players flopping around an ice rink at 6:30 in the morning.

But the best thing I've ever been called is, "Father." Likewise, "Dad," "Pop," "Daddy," "Papa," and even, under the right circumstances, "Old Man."

Treat yourself to your own personal copy of What I've Learned So Far... Part I: Bikes, Docks & Slush Nuggets and get a 15% Online discount! Just enter the code: Y8NYMDN4 when you order your copy.

If you enjoy What I've Learned So Far... and would like to see it in your local paper, just send the editor an impassioned plea and this link to my Web site.

Also, chase all your friends on over to my Web site to Subscribe (it's FREE!), so they can enjoy it too! They'll thank you, and so will I.

- mike

Mike Ball

Author of What I've Learned So Far...
Winner of the 2003 Erma Bombeck Award

Web: whativelearnedsofar.com
E-mail: mike@whativelearnedsofar.com

You may automatically unsubscribe from this list at any time by visiting the following URL:

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A Tale of a Tomless Dock

Brenna & Mike What I've Learned So Far...

A Tale of a Tomless Dock

One of the things that happens here on the lake every time winter goes into remission and we catch a dose of springtime is that we have to cobble together some sort of a dock. Having a dock gives us a way to walk out to the boat all summer without getting our flip-flops wet.

For the past fifteen years my main dock-slinging sidekick has been my friend Tom. Over this past winter Tom decided to desert the Ann Arbor area and move to Arizona, since it offers better weather, more employment opportunities, and the right to carry a handgun without a permit - or any conceivable reason. And the only down side is that, since he's from England, he will have to have his papers in his pocket at all times, or he could wind up enjoying the weather in Tijuana.

So Tom's departure left building the dock pretty much up to my son Pat and I. We chose a weekend not long after the thaw, our theory being that as we worked our way through the project the lake would be cold enough that we could use it to ice down our beer - along with any contusions, abrasions, burns, or minor fractures that might crop up.

Treat yourself to your own personal copy of What I've Learned So Far... Part I: Bikes, Docks & Slush Nuggets and get a 15% Online discount! Just enter the code: Y8NYMDN4 when you order your copy.

If you enjoy What I've Learned So Far... and would like to see it in your local paper, just send the editor an impassioned plea and this link to my Web site.

Also, chase all your friends on over to my Web site to Subscribe (it's FREE!), so they can enjoy it too! They'll thank you, and so will I.

- mike

Mike Ball

Author of What I've Learned So Far...
Winner of the 2003 Erma Bombeck Award

Web: whativelearnedsofar.com
E-mail: mike@whativelearnedsofar.com

You may automatically unsubscribe from this list at any time by visiting the following URL:

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Fly the Fiendly Skies

Brenna & Mike What I've Learned So Far...

Fly the Fiendly Skies

Last week I wrote about my less-than-satisfactory experience as a customer of a major airline that shall not be named (it was Delta). What that experience came down to was that the airline (Delta) basically told me that they had my money, and they dared me to try to get anything in return for it.

The amount of feedback I got on this one suggests that I am far from the only traveler who has been cast adrift in what one reader called the "parallel universe of airline logic." For instance, I learned that most airlines will not pay a travel agency any commission for selling a seat on one of their planes, but they will send them a bill if they should make a mistake doing it.

So after my less-than-satisfactory experience with that one airline (Delta), we booked last month's New York trip on a different unnamed airline (Spirit) - and we discovered a whole new way to think about the words "customer service."

Treat yourself to your own personal copy of What I've Learned So Far... Part I: Bikes, Docks & Slush Nuggets and get a 15% Online discount! Just enter the code: Y8NYMDN4 when you order your copy.

If you enjoy What I've Learned So Far... and would like to see it in your local paper, just send the editor an impassioned plea and this link to my Web site.

Also, chase all your friends on over to my Web site to Subscribe (it's FREE!), so they can enjoy it too! They'll thank you, and so will I.

- mike

Mike Ball

Author of What I've Learned So Far...
Winner of the 2003 Erma Bombeck Award

Web: whativelearnedsofar.com
E-mail: mike@whativelearnedsofar.com

You may automatically unsubscribe from this list at any time by visiting the following URL:

A Few Thoughts About Mother's Day

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A Few Thoughts About Mother's Day

Brenna & Mike What I've Learned So Far...

Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms! Here is a column from the book:

All right guys, today is Mother's Day. Yellow alert! Go to DefCon 1!

For those of you who are not familiar with A.D.S.D. (Association of Dads, Sons and Daughters) nomenclature, DefCon refers to situations in which failing to live up to Mom's expectations will result in Definite Consequences.

For example, forgetting to take out the garbage on pickup day might take us to DefCon 4, meaning that a mild scolding is in the offing. Failure to mow the lawn or perform some other assigned task would be considered DefCon 3 infractions, with correspondingly greater consequences, while coming home from Chuck E. Cheese's with one less (or more) kid than we left home with will get us instantly and uncomfortably into DefCon 2 territory.

In the three basic DefCon 1 situations - her birthday, your anniversary and Mother's Day - failure is simply not an option.

Treat yourself to your own personal copy of What I've Learned So Far... Part I: Bikes, Docks & Slush Nuggets. It's like owning a leather-bound first edition of The Complete Works of Shakespeare, only in paperback and a lot funnier.

If you enjoy What I've Learned So Far... and would like to see it in your local paper, just send the editor an impassioned plea and this link to my Web site.

Also, chase all your friends on over to my Web site to Subscribe (it's FREE!), so they can enjoy it too! They'll thank you, and so will I.

- mike

Mike Ball

Author of What I've Learned So Far...
Winner of the 2003 Erma Bombeck Award

Web: whativelearnedsofar.com
E-mail: mike@whativelearnedsofar.com

You may automatically unsubscribe from this list at any time by visiting the following URL: