Signs Of Our Times

First published January 27, 2006

In the Northwest terminal of the Detroit Metro Airport there is a sign right in the middle of the line to the security check point. Since it's the only can't-miss-it warning sign in the area, this baby clearly deals with the most critical anti-terrorism issue of the day. The sign says:

"Federal Law Prohibits Bringing Fireworks Aboard Any Commercial Aircraft."

Ok now, right away this raises a couple of questions.

First off, is it really all that common for people to show up at the airport with a couple of bottle rockets and a cherry bomb in their carry-on? It must be, or else they wouldn't have bothered coming up with a Federal Law which Prohibits it. I guess a lot of people just feel the need to blow up a coke can at 25,000 feet.

Second, are fireworks really the major potential danger we're facing on the aircraft? I'm no expert, but I would really think that a stick of dynamite or a bazooka might pose a bigger problem for everybody concerned. To be fair though, I guess that's pretty obvious. I mean, how silly would it be to have a sign that said, "Federal Law Prohibits Bringing Sticks Of Dynamite Or Bazookas Aboard Any Commercial Aircraft."

Which brings us to the point of this particular column - the role of Barney the Dinosaur in fostering homicidal tendencies among the parents of pre-schoolers.

No, wait. That's a different column. This one is about signs.

Now I'm the first to admit that there are a lot of signs around that we actually need. Signs like "Stop," "Yield," or "Caution! Man-Eating Shark In Swimming Pool," are all signs that bring us potentially useful information.

Of course there are some signs that don't necessarily say what they mean. For example, "Ten Items Or Less" in the grocery store is apparently just a rough guideline, shorthand for, "If You Were Able To Cram All The Stuff You're Buying Into One Cart You Can Still Use The 'Express' Lane, Because After All, Your Time Is Clearly More Valuable Than That Of The Guy In Line Behind You Who Is Buying A Gallon Of Milk And A Bag Of Tangelos."

And then there are signs that are out there simply because the guy who bought them, usually on behalf of some government entity, has a brother-in-law who sells signs. For example, I have a photograph that I found on the Internet, of a sign that says "Caution - Water On Road During Rain." I have another one that says, "Caution - No Warning Signs," and yet another that says, "Absolutely Nothing Next 22 Miles."

As you travel around the world, language and cultural differences can also produce some pretty interesting examples of public communications. I have shots, apparently taken in England, of a "Waiter Crossing" sign and a triangular "Elderly People" sign - complete with a silhouette icon of a stoop-shouldered couple walking with a cane.

In Sweden I photographed signs over the entrance and exit of a parking structure that said, "Infart," with an adjacent traffic sign that says "Slow," and "Utfart," with an adjacent traffic sign that says, "Stop," all of which presumably translates to "Entrance" and "Exit." Hopefully it refers to automobiles.

My favorite sign of all time is a rectangular yellow monster that I found online, which says, in big bold letters, "Caution - This Sign Has SHARP EDGES. Do Not Touch The Edges Of This Sign." Below, in much smaller type it says, "Also, the Bridge Is Out Ahead."

My first impulse is to think that this must be a hoax. I don't know, though - most signs are the end product of a collaboration between a civil servant and the lowest bidder...

You'll find pictures of the signs I mentioned in this column, plus some others I particularly like, online at http://www.learnedsofar.com/blog/. If you have your own pictures of some great signs to share, join the Blog (just send me a username and password so I can make you an official Blogger) and post them for the world to enjoy.


Copyright © 2006 Michael Ball