Thanksgiving On The Brink
What I've Learned So Far...
Thanksgiving On The Brink
“Of course we’ll have Thanksgiving at our house this year, Aunt Ellen! I’ll write notes to everyone and tell them!” Mom hung up the phone with a crooked smile and began to sing softly to herself;
Oh where did I leave that bottle of Scotch
The bottle of Scotch, my sweet bottle of Scotch?
Oh where did I leave that bottle of Scotch?
It’s half past nine in the morning…
Great Aunt Ellen had just explained that for the first time in a generation she and Great Uncle Charlie could not host the family's annual Thanksgiving get-together. It seems that over the weekend Great Uncle Charlie tried to repair a drain in the kitchen sink, and the federal hazmat teams will not be finished with the house until mid-January.
This news did not make Mom all that happy. The last time she was in charge of hosting a family get-together was the Christmas best remembered for the Canine Culinary Calamity in which the humans dined on canned corned beef from the Speedway while Carl the Dog and Bernie The Schnauzer feasted on the spiral-sliced ham that was forgotten at the bottom of Grandma and Grandpa’s garbage bag of gifts.
"Must prepare. Need help. Everyone coming here in a week. No time. Oh God. No time."
"Mom," shouted Todd Junior from the upstairs bathroom, "Do we have more bath towels?"
"Why Dear?"
"Because there are only nine in here, and it doesn't look like that's going to be enough to soak up all the toilet water on the floor."
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- mike
Mike Ball
Author of What I've Learned So Far...
Winner of the 2003 Erma Bombeck Award
Web: whativelearnedsofar.com
E-mail: mike@whativelearnedsofar.com
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posted by Mike Ball @ 1:16 PM
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